The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson Read online

  “I’m just trying to write this speech for the nomination party on Friday. You heard about it, right?”

  “Of course I heard about it. I was surprised when I heard you were running for president though. What made you lose your fear of public speaking?”

  “See, that’s the thing,” I said with a nervous smile. “I actually haven’t gotten over that fear. I honestly feel like I’m gonna make a fool of myself on Friday. And that definitely can’t happen, especially with me going against Latasha. Do you know how humiliating that would be?”

  “Okay, now I get it. You entered the race to get one up on Latasha.”

  “Well, that and the fact that I really wanna help Clarkson become the best school it can be. Miss Carter told me that the president is gonna have a lot of power this year and I think I really could use it to give the students a voice.”

  “And how badly do you want to win?” D asked me.

  “What do you mean?”

  “How far will you go to win this election? What are you gonna do to prepare yourself to do great on Friday?”

  I thought about it for a second. That honestly was a good question. “I was planning to watch Malcolm X speeches all week and see how he did it.”

  D shook his head. “That’s not gonna work. With all due respect to the ancestor Malcolm X, my favorite historical figure in Black history alongside Marcus Garvey, he’s not gonna present the speech for you on Friday. What you need to do is lose that fear you have inside of you.”

  “How are we gonna do that?”

  D smiled and said. “Just follow me.”

  We walked through the halls, trying to find Roxanne. She was in her office on the top floor.

  “Hey you guys! What’s up?” she enthusiastically said when we came in after she opened her door. At car riders, Roxanne came and picked me up. I swear, it was a total surprise that I wasn’t expecting. I was happy when she got out of her 2013 black Mercedes-Benz CLS550 Coupe. I especially wanted Latasha’s mindless, hating friends who were at car riders with me to know who I was riding with.

  To pick me up, her contact information and everything has to be put in on my profile on the computer in the front office for safety. She signed everything real quick, showed her driver’s license and proof that my mom signed for her to be put on the emergency contacts list, and we walked out. I smiled to myself as I saw them glaring at me as I hopped in the front seat and we drove off to the station.

  Anyway, D replied, “Aaliyah is running for student body president at Clarkson and the nomination party is Friday.”

  She grinned. “Go ahead, girl! You know I’m gonna be there to see you tear the house down.”

  “See, that’s the problem. My sister has a chronic fear of public speaking and she believes that because of that she’s gonna do horrible.”

  “Oh, I understand now! Don’t be discouraged, Aaliyah. I had the same problem back in high school. Come to think about it, I still get nervous when I’m about to do the radio and TV shows. I want it to be perfect and sometimes I get paranoid about messing up on the air, especially when DJ’s not here and I have to do the show by myself.”

  “You don’t have to lie for me, Roxanne,” I said, completely not believing her. She’s a syndicated, award-winning media personality. What fear does she have?

  Roxanne smiled. “I wouldn’t lie about this. I didn’t expect to be on the radio or TV; I just wanted to be a writer. Everybody used to say that I had the voice to be on radio, but I didn’t really pursue it until later on after I published my first novel. Everybody was blowing up my phone, wanting me to come and talk to their book club and high school students. Eventually I got over that fear and now we’re here. Bottom line is this: if you want to keep your fear under control, you have to get out and do what you fear.”

  D nodded. “As an aspiring novelist, I totally understand what you’re talking about! That’s why we came down here, Roxanne. I want ‘Liyah to do some things on air for my show this week but I didn’t know if it was against station policy to put a non-contracted DJ on air.”

  After he said that, I looked at him like he was crazy. They couldn’t be serious! Do they really want me to embarrass the station?

  “Roxanne, please tell D that it’s against the station policy,” I said with my head buried in my hands. They just couldn’t really be serious!

  She laughed. “Actually, it’s not. D, you can do whatever you want to do with your show. As long as it’s FCC approved, station approved, and you put enough time in for commercials. And I approve your idea!”

  “Oh God!” I shouted.

  “Come on, ‘Liyah,” D said to me. “If you want to win this election, beat Latasha, and help all those students at Clarkson, you have to do this. What would you rather do, mess up on a pre-recorded promo bumper or at the big nomination party in front of hundreds of people?”

  I let out a deep sigh. “I guess you have a point.”

  He looked down at his wristwatch. “It’s 5:47, ‘Liyah. I go on at six o’clock. I need you to be ready before then.”

  “Don’t worry, D, she will be,” Roxanne said as I stood there speechless.

  As six o’clock kept creeping up on me every second, I decided to go on and walk down to the studio D was in. As I was walking, I happened to bump into fine, award-winning sports anchor and radio show host Andrew Jordan.

  “What’s going on, Aaliyah?” he said to me with his deep voice and bright, ESPY winning smile. With his towering height, high yellow brown skin, and well-toned body, he looked like a model out of GQ magazine.

  “I’m about to do a promo for D’s radio show. The real messed up thing about it is that I have a fear of public speaking.”

  “Don’t even worry about all that. Just make sure you breathe, talk slowly enough where people can understand what you’re saying, add a little energy to it, and you’re done. That formula works whenever you’re doing public speaking.”

  I smiled. “Thanks for the advice, Andrew.”

  “Just happy I could help.”

  “See, now was that so hard?” D said a few seconds after I was done with the promo he wanted.

  I smiled and said, “Not really.” Honestly, it was pretty easy but hard at the same time. D gave me a script of what to read and I read it. Sounds pretty simple right? But the hard part came when I had to make it sound interesting and convincing. I’ve heard both bad and good promos on the radio and I think mine was in the middle, leaning towards good. D played it back for me with some background music and I was definitely satisfied with what I had done.

  “So now, since you know what to do, you’re gonna do this for the rest of the week leading into Friday. As a matter of fact, I need you to do another one during the next music break.”

  “Are you serious?”

  D chuckled. “Of course. You wanna do well on Friday, right?”

  “I think you’re just trying to get free work out of me.”

  “Well…yeah! It’s something like that.”

  “You are so dirty, D!” I said, laughing.

  He laughed too. “Whatever, Ms. President. Now get the script off the printer and get ready to read.”

  ♠♠♠♠

  Life Changing News

  After Roxanne dropped D and me back at the house at around 8:30, I immediately went up to my room and started doing more work on my speech. I want this thing to be flawless while also showing everybody the potential I have to be elected student body president. I really wanted to call Deangelo, but I had to get this speech finished so I can go over it throughout the week.

  After I finished and was close to hopping on the bed and going my tired self to sleep, Momma called. I didn’t even think twice or hesitate on answering the phone!

  Before I talked, I let out a deep sigh. I hadn’t talked to Momma ever since we had that basketball tournament at Willowsfield University in June. Yeah, I know it’s only August, but I feel like two months is too long having not talked to her.

  “Hello
, Momma?”

  “Hey, baby! How’s everything going?”

  “Things are pretty good. You really caught me by surprise. I didn’t think you’d call tonight.”

  “Come on ‘Lili, you know I always keep my promises.”

  I smiled. Momma is the only one that calls me “’Lili”. It was one of the several special things that were shared between each other over the years.

  “That is true. But what’s been going on with you, Momma? You know, with the TV show and everything.”

  “We’re doing great right now. The ratings are through the roof and the show is getting picked up in more cities around the country. Because of the popularity of the TV show, the radio show is getting a lot of exposure too. But enough about me. How’s everything going around the house?”

  I sighed again. “Well, D is doing great like always, with all the things he has on his plate. I’m trying to win this student election at Clarkson while keeping the babysitting service up and also finding time to play tennis and draw. Jeff and Elijah are doing what they usually do, and you already know about our ‘father’, if I can even call him that.”

  “What are you saying about Jeffery and Elijah?”

  “They’re slacking off, like normal. On the streets 24/7, constantly getting in trouble with the police, and coming in the house high. I even think Elijah got ‘blessed’ into the Rydahz. He’s been wearing a ton of blue lately and I could’ve sworn I saw a blue flag on his dresser a few mornings ago.”

  “Oh Lord, what am I gonna do about these two boys? The divorce really messed up Elijah, didn’t it?”

  “I wouldn’t necessarily say that. I think I’m to blame too. Maybe if I was more of a big sister than his number one enemy, I could’ve prevented this from happening. Jeff has completely turned him out to the streets. I’m such a failure as a big sister!”

  “Aaliyah, don’t say that! You are not a failure and we don’t need you speaking that kind of negativity into your life. Even if you were more of a ‘big sister’ to him, he’d probably still be mesmerized by the false glitz and glamor of the streets. Just look at your Uncle Lance.

  “Even though our father wasn’t around, our family was pretty stable. Yeah, we all had our share disagreements here and there, but at the end of the day, we knew we loved each other. But he still turned to the streets and got into that gang culture. He even got arrested for simple battery and served some time in the county jail. It’s amazing that he’s a police officer now. I think they dropped the charges or something like that.”

  “I hear you, Momma, but sometimes I just wish I could start over. That’s one of the reasons why I put my heart into helping kids younger than me through my babysitting/tutoring service and the different programs that you have. I honestly wish I had another younger sibling. I’d especially want a younger sister. You know, she would be somebody that I could help and look out for, like how D does with me, and, she can be known around Willowsfield as ‘Aaliyah’s little sister’, like how I am with D.

  “If I was given a second chance, I’d make sure that I’d be at least half of the older sibling D is - maybe even more if that’s possible. But I’ll never get that chance. This isn’t a make-believe story; this is real life. I just have to own up to the mistake that I made with Elijah.”

  After I finished, there was about forty seconds of silence. I could tell Momma was still on the phone because I could hear the phone moving around and breathing in the background.

  “Hello, Momma? Are you still there?”

  “Yeah, ‘Lili, I am. It’s just that…I think you’re old enough to know now.”

  I was puzzled. “What am I old enough to know about, Momma? Is it something bad?”

  “No, it’s not bad at all, baby. Actually, it could be the type of closure that you need in this situation.” She let out a huge sigh, “Listen, do you remember the baby I told you that you’re father’s former mistress aborted a while back when you were about one year old?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that was a lie that he told me to try to get me to stay with him. In actuality, you do have a sister, although you’re half-sisters, but still sisters nonetheless. You probably know her. Last time I checked, she goes to Clarkson. Her name is Faith Johnson.”

  I was literally speechless. I really couldn’t control my emotions. I felt like crying because she just confirmed how much of deadbeat my “father” is. He wasn’t even around when I was a baby. Too busy cheating! Then I was mad because he lied to my Momma. I swear, I hate him!

  But on the other hand, I was happy that I did have a sister out there. I’ve heard of a girl named Faith Johnson around Clarkson. I can’t really put the name to the face, but I’ll make sure to find out who she is when I get to school tomorrow.

  I was also concerned that I was too late. She probably has the same type of remorse for my dad and will diss me just because I’m still live with him, while she’s probably never met him. One emotion that I was feeling over anything was confusion. Why would Momma wait to tell me this?

  I even asked her that. “What took you so long to tell me?”

  She let out another sigh. “It’s a long story and I want to tell it to you face to face. What are you doing after school tomorrow?”

  “D and I are going to the radio station. I didn’t go Monday because I had a babysitting appointment. It wouldn’t really look good if I miss two days my first week.”

  “That’s a good point. I’ll just have to pick you up from the station a little earlier than normal. I doubt Roxanne will mind. We have to talk about this in person.”

  “Momma, can I just ask you one thing?”

  “Sure, baby.”

  “How long have you known about this?”

  “I’ve known for a while, but not as long as you think. I actually found out by accident. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”

  “Alright, see you tomorrow.”

  “Ok, ‘Lili. Love you.”

  “I love you, Momma.”

  I hung up the phone and lay back on the bed, holding back tears. Honestly, I was thinking of the worst possible situation that could play out. My negative thoughts took over my mind and I didn’t do a thing to stop them. And this is completely my “father’s” fault.

  That’s why I always call him my “father”. He’s not fit for me to call him my dad or Daddy. He’s a high-class deadbeat with a degree and a career, a slight upgrade from the other deadbeats out here. He tries to teach all these boys that he coaches self-discipline, including D, but he has none himself. Now I’m in a situation where my own sister could possibly turn against me, all because he couldn’t be faithful like my Momma was to him.

  I swear I hate that man more than anything else in the world!

  ♠♠♠♠

  Coping With the News

  As with anything that’s constantly on my mind, I decided to do the only thing I can think of that could make me feel better. I went to talk to D about the whole situation. At first, I wondered if he knew. Then again, Momma did say that she really just found out herself, and D hadn’t talked to Momma since June.

  I knocked on D’s door. It was around ten o’clock. He said, “It’s open!”

  I walked in to D’s perfectly neat room and asked him, “Can I talk to you about something?”

  “Sure, ‘Liyah,” he said, sitting up from his bed. “I was actually gonna come to your room to give you a good tip I just read from this book.” He shut the book and showed me the cover. It was called The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. It was a thick book too! The cover was plain but attention grabbing, covered mainly in a bright red.

  He then explained what he meant. “Law three of this book says ‘Always conceal your intentions’. This could be useful for you in this election. You don’t need to give away all your best and brightest ideas with the speech on Friday. Save the good stuff for the end. Saying too much will eventually chop your head off.”

  To be honest, that was fantastic advice that D gave
me and I did take it in. But I was still at a loss for words after what Momma told me. All I could do after he said that was nod. Being the great older brother he is, he knew something wasn’t right.

  “Hey, Aaliyah, what’s going on?”

  “You know, I just got off the phone with Momma.”

  “Really? That’s great. Why do you seem so upset?”

  “I’m upset because I feel completely lied to.”

  “Hold up. What do you mean by that? You’re not really explaining anything. What has you so broken up like this?”

  I sighed. “Did you know that we have a half-sister walking around at Clarkson?”

  D was about as surprised as I was. “Say that again?”

  “We have a half-sister that goes to Clarkson. Her name is Faith Johnson. She’s maybe a year or so younger than me.”

  All D could say was. “What?”

  A tear rolled down my right eye. “We really have a messed up family. We don’t even know the important facts about each other. I just don’t understand why we can’t go back to the way things were when we were little. We didn’t have to worry about secrets, haters, bitter old teachers, and hard schoolwork. Things were simpler back then, even though we were in the hood.”

  D got up and led me to the bed. He then wiped the tear from my face and said, “’Liyah, I know the negative effects of dad’s infidelity have done a number on us. But you need to think about this: didn’t you want a little sister? You’re always beating yourself up for not really being a big ‘influence’ in Elijah’s life. Maybe this is the ‘second chance’ you’ve been wanting for the longest. I know I sound like a broken record, but you just keep doing the same things. Stop thinking negative! You don’t even have to tell me what you were thinking after Moms told you about Faith. ‘She may diss me’, ‘I may make the same mistake I did with Elijah’, or something like that.”

  I smiled. “How do you know that?”

  “Because I know you, ‘Liyah. I know how you think. Even though our immediate family isn’t as strong and connected as it needs to be, that’ll never change. Why don’t you think of this as a blessing instead of another opportunity to make a family enemy? You don’t know how Faith’s gonna react to you or me. And if she does diss you, don’t worry about it. As long as I’m here with you, you don’t have to worry about who likes you or not. Always remember that.”